So long, old friend.

One of America's most interesting broadcasters is stepping down. Oh, John Madden. How we shall miss thee.

"Don't worry about the horse being blind, just load the wagon."

"When your arm gets hit, the ball is not going to go where you want it to."

"The offensive linemen are the biggest guys on the field, they're bigger than everybody else, and that's what makes them the biggest guys on the field."

"When you get hit like that it's like having a bumble bee stuck in your helmet. You just can't get rid of it!"

"Here's a guy who when he runs, he moves faster."

"Here's a guy who can use his arms and legs at the same time."

"From the waist down, Earl Campbell has the biggest legs I have ever seen on a running back."

"He would have scored a touchdown if he hadn't been tackled right there."

-The one, the only, John Madden

Perhaps John can join the esteemed ranks of CNN! Surely his insights would be at least as interesting and/or factual as most of the other fucks on The Situation Room.

Oh, please.

If I have to hear one more cable news talking head droning on about how Arizona State isn't awarding Obama an honorary degree, I may be forced to turn to violence. WHO THE FUCK CARES? THIS ISN'T NEWS.

A little backstory for those of you unaware of the situation: President Obama will be delivering the commencement address at Arizona State University on May 13. It was announced that ASU has decided not to award the President with an honorary degree because they feel that while he has accomplished a great deal, his best work is yet to come.

Okay, great. All done. We can stop talking about it now. It's not important, or particularly relevant, or particularly newsworthy. Hell, it's only interesting for about thirty seconds at most. It seemed like they were covering it on The Situation Room every five minutes this afternoon. And over at MSNBC (video here) the anchors and commentators were positively frothing at the mouth with rage over ASU's "lame-brained" decision not to award Obama. Maybe I missed a memo or something, but I wasn't aware that it's okay for a supposed "news" network to refer to the organizations they report on as lame-brained. But that's probably just me being all crazy. Another overwhelming demonstration of thoughtfulness and impartiality from MSNBC.

Grow up, everybody. And move on.